8-5-20xx
I saw someone die today. Not in person of course. It was on Instagram, so nothing unusual there. It was a weird one though. The video was either some kind of security camera or maybe a street cam. The description didn’t say, and who really cares anyway. What matters is that it looked real. It’s weird how some older people can’t spot AI video on sight, but I can. This wasn’t that.
The guy is walking across a fairly empty street. He isn’t at a crosswalk, so his bad there, but the car should still have been able to see him in time to stop. It didn’t, and he went flying end over end. Obvious he was dead when he hit the ground. There was blood, but nothing crazy.
Still, at this point it was like a million other videos I’ve seen. Assholes get run over all the time when they aren’t paying attention. But after that it cuts to the driver being interviewed. The guy is in his forties maybe, short hair, overweight, but normal looking. The way he is crying though. Real fucked up. He keeps going on about how the guy in the road wasn’t there.
“There was nobody, nobody!” he said, “then there was just a body there flying over my car!”
Fucking weird, I mean I get it, people miss seeing things and then their brains just sort of edit it all together the best they can. There was just something though. Something was off. I can’t quite put my finger on why, but I believed the guy. Fucking weird. I need to get some sleep. Can’t sit here all night again. Not good for the health.
8-7-20xx
Chill sent me an article link today. Seemed fake at first; Chill would know better, but it would be in his sense of humor anyway. I looked into it though, and I’m pretty sure it is legit. I asked Chat and it said it was real. Even provided some back up articles from mainstream sources. The world is a fucked up place, and it only gets more so.
The article was about the weirdest mental conditions out there. It listed the famous ones like Jerusalem Syndrome and Cotard’s Delusion. Those are messed up enough. But then it started talking about a new one that doctors are starting to see. Still rare, but a few cases already found, and it's only been discovered this decade. They call it Messinger Syndrome. With it you start to become blind to other people. Not just like face blindness, but your mind actually edits the people out of your perspective. You could be in a room with someone, and if you have Messinger, you wouldn’t see them or hear them. The only way you would know somebody was there is if you bumped into them. They can still knock you down, lol. Or, I guess maybe if they write something down on like the walls or something. I don’t know, that part was a little unclear to me. Either way, it's some freaky shit. Like, I could have somebody sitting next to me right now watching me write this down, and I’d have no fucking clue. Spooky. Maybe I’ve been up too long. Oh well, nothing for it, time to take a gummy and get to work. The call center waits for no man. At least here at the house I can do it in my pajamas. And high, lol.
8-8-20xx
Had a bad dream this morning. I was in my apartment alone, like usual, but I couldn't interact with anything. It was like a cheap ass videogame from the early 2000’s. Not the scariest, I guess, but it was like I was aware I was dreaming and just couldn’t wake up. What I get for trying that Red Bull and everclear “cocktail” Chill had suggested. That cocksucker, I don’t know how he functions. Better hope they never make drugs legal all around or his ass will probably be out on the street.
8-10-20xx
I was playing online with the guys earlier when one of them starts screaming bloody murder. Carlo realized, all of a sudden, that he couldn’t find his kid. Dumbass hadn’t heard the kid in the next room playing, and gets up to go check on it. Not there. We can hear him hollering for it in the background, but then he gets on mic still screaming. Fucked me up and the killer got me. Goddamn Carlo and his irresponsible parenting.
What are we supposed to do about his missing kid? Of all five of us only Chill and I live in the same city, and he’s hours away from anybody.
I guess I understand though; he was scared. Not thinking in the best frame of mind.
Kid will turn up though. I don’t know how big Carlo’s place is, but there are only so many places a kid can hide. Door was locked from the inside, so its not like the kid is out wandering the street. Irresponsible asshole.
8-16-20xx
I kind of feel shitty for that stuff I said in my last entry about Carlo. Turns out I was right about his kid being in the apartment with him, but it didn’t end up helping. Carlo told the police he found the kid dead in its room yesterday. Little guy was curled up on his bed in the fetal position clutching a stuffed animal. They say it was dehydration. Kid had been there in the apartment with Carlo for four days and had just died of thirst. Apparently Carlo locked his fucking kid in his room and just left him there while pretending to go around looking for him.
Most fucked up thing of all, I think, is that Carlo says he didn’t know the kid was in there. He said he locked the door to that room on the first day after he was sure the kid wasn’t in there. Like, to give him less places to look after that. Hard to believe he didn’t hear the kid crying in the days after. Impossible, actually. I always thought Carlo was kind of weird, but I didn’t see something like this coming.
8-17-20xx
Chill messaged me today saying, “Maybe Carlo has Messinger Syndrome?” Nobody wants to believe that they know a psycho, but I think Chill is just trying to be funny. Cold motherfucker. If I could get my back pills from a doctor I’d cut that fucker out of my life entirely.
8-19-20xx
I saw somebody die today, and this time it was for real. I was walking down the sidewalk, carrying my groceries back to my place, when this idiot steps off the curb and walks out in front of a bus.
I guess, if I’m being real, I didn’t see the guy until the bus was hitting him, but that shit was traumatic enough. Bitch went splat like a bug. Shit, I’m almost as bad as that shithead Chill. Fucking Percocet must be getting to me.
8-23-20xx
I haven’t been able to reach Chill for two days. If he has skipped town, the least he could do is tell the people that depend on him. I ended up having to reach out to his brother Larry. He hadn’t heard from him either; didn’t seem too bothered honestly, but he did at least have some pills. As a bonus, he also had some mushrooms. He overcharged me, but what can you do? Tough times all around I guess.
8-25-20xx
The pills were fake. Or the wrong strength of prescription. I don’t fucking know, but they didn’t help. It’s not like I can go get a refund from Larry either way. Guys with that many swastika and Jesus tattoos don’t give store credit, lol. Even so, I was pretty pissed. I almost didn’t try the shrooms.
Glad I did though. Trip of my fucking life. Twenty four hours of weird ass bliss. I actually got eight hours of sleep. That shit hasn’t happened in years. The music I streamed seemed alive, like it was speaking just to me. I know, I know; everybody remembers their first beer and all that shit, but this was massive. Almost makes me want to shop with Larry from now on. Too bad his Percocet supply is manure. I really do need that shit; it's no joke.
8-26-20xx
Well I got fucking fired. I guess during my big mushroom high I wrote an email to my boss describing all my hidden feelings and unfulfilled sexual desires vis-a-vis her “tight, luscious ass.”
Now, I don’t know how tight or luscious said ass is. We’ve never met in person. But I do know that she is a 65 year old grandmother who lives in Queens. Needless to say, my services are no longer required.
I hated that job, sure, but at least I didn’t have to leave the house. Fucking Larry. If his biceps were just a little smaller than my waist I might go give him a piece of my mind.
8-29-20xx
Well, Chill killed himself. Heard about it from Ken today. He had gone over to see if our mutual friend was holding, and found him hanging from a clothesline in his bathroom. The front door was open and my man just went on in. Not smart in a drug dealer's house, but I guess he was safe this time. He said Chill had damn near decapitated himself with the metal wire of the clothesline. He could see where he had been kicking the tub as he died thrashing there. He said his face was blue and his eyes were wide open and filled with blood.
Part of me says, good riddance if I am being honest. Skeezy motherfucker was always going to come to a bad end eventually. No doubt about that. But then, that’s one less person I know. Not online, but like irl.
Ken wants to go to the funeral. Maybe I’ll go with him. I'm not eager to see that bitch Larry again, but Chill’s mom will be there, and she was always nice to me when we were kids.
9-3-20xx
Chill’s funeral was a drag, but I guess that is to be expected. Larry didn’t show. Just an empty seat next to his mom on the front row. She kept turning to the empty seat and whispering to herself. Grief can do weird shit.
I talked to Ken more after the funeral was over. He told me that when he was at Chill’s place he had time to read the note Chill left before the police got there. Said he read it after he flushed Chill’s stash, but before calling the law. Bullshit, if you ask me. I bet Chill’s drugs found their way to Ken’s jeep. Either way, he said the note was really fucked up.
I don’t have that shit verbatim or anything, but more or less Chill had convinced himself that he had Messinger Syndrome. I thought he was just being his cynical self when he had said all that stuff about Carlo, but I guess he meant it. He went on for a few pages about how people had started disappearing for him. Evidently it just started with random people at first. Seemed like the bus was driving itself one day. Nobody was manning the counter at the bodega. Then his neighbors weren’t there. I’m not so up on my neighbors’ asses as Chill, but I guess he was alway aware of them due to his line of work. Pays to be alert I guess. Anyway, the halls seemed quiet and deserted to him. Then one day, everyone was gone. He couldn’t reach anyone on the phone or online. When he tried it was like he was talking to nobody. If he ever tried reaching out to me, I must have missed it. But then again, maybe I was less important to him than I thought.
I guess the alone time was too much for old Chill, so one day he decided to walk away from it all. I don’t know why he didn’t find a less painful method, but then again, Chill was a strange guy.
9-5-20xx
Ken ghosted me at the bar tonight. I sat there like a dumbass with my dick in my hand for over an hour. The waitress probably thought I was some sort of sad sack drunk sitting and drinking by myself like that, but then again, the bar was pretty empty for a Friday, so maybe she was just happy to have someone to tip her at all. Ken has been really messed up since Chill. Maybe I should go check on him.
9-10-20xx
For the first time in years I switched the TV off of streaming and onto live television. I guess I have been paying for cable all these years without using, or realizing, it. Oh well, fuck it. It can’t be helped now.
Online shit has become too confused. Who knows what’s real anymore; and who is still out there to give a fuck anyway? I guess it's time for another fucking pandemic. Isn’t that shit just great?
At least this one is novel for a fucking change. Messinger’s Syndrome or, as people online are calling it more and more, Missinger. Fucking Chill, you prophet of goddamned doom! Did your permanent fucking high grant you access to some spheres of knowledge hidden to the rest of us? Probably not. If so, he wouldn’t have final-destinationed himself in the toilet like that. Anyway, that’s what we’re dealing with now. It was supposed to be some sort of rare mental thing. Like one in fifty million or something. I guess not. Now it's contagious. Go fucking figure; how does that shit work? Morons online don’t seem to know, and neither do their television counterparts.
A bunch of talking heads ranting about unprecedented contagions, mass hysteria, the zeitgeist, whatever. It all boils down to the same thing. People are catching what is supposed to be a purely mental illness from other people. As for how to fight this thing; who knows? By the time that they come up with the equivalent of a vaccine for this we’ll all be rotting fucking corpses. Just like Chill.
A world without other people might sound like some sort of millennial wet dream, but the truth is more fucked up in a practical sense. Everybody is still there, you just aren’t aware of them. That is sort of a problem in cities with a lot of walking traffic. I saw a video earlier. It was footage from some city in India, don’t ask me which one, and there was a huge crowd at a train station. It wasn’t immediately apparent from the video, but it became clear that the people in the crowd, or at least most of them, weren’t aware of each other. It started with what looked like a bunch of pushing and shoving. I guess, if you can’t see people around you, shoulder to shoulder crowds are a bit disorienting. It then moved on to panic. People were trampled underfoot all around. I have heard of that sort of thing at music festivals and concerts, but even then, there is some awareness on the part of the people doing the trampling. Not so here. People just tried to run for the hills as if the train platform was empty. Seemed like they only became aware of their accidental victims once they were dead. I guess maybe they didn’t count as people then, so maybe the disease let them see them again. Anyway, it didn’t help with the panic.
That was a particularly bad case, but the same sort of shit has been happening all over. Not to mention the breakdown of the supply chain. Who knows how bad that shit will get. You can’t very well run a factory, or a distribution center, if it seems to be empty to you.
They have already grounded all the flights in the US. Unclear if that shit is meant as a temporary precaution or not.
9-15-20xx
The power went off today. That’s why this journal entry is in this spiral notebook instead of on my PC. Nothing on the TV about it before it happened. Nothing about much of shit really. Some stations are playing a test pattern. Haven’t seen that since I was a kid. Most of the others are just running infomercials, lol. I guess that’s some sort of default.
Until the power grid, and with it the cell towers and internet, went down there was still plenty online. Some said it was some sort of global cabal doing it all to cut us off from each other, and thereby, from God. Others said it was God itself raining its judgment down on us poor sinners. Still others argued that this was all the fault of the aliens who had been buggering them nightly for decades.
Depressing abuse victims aside, this is all horseshit. I think maybe I know what is to blame for Missinger. I bet you want to know, don’t you, you fucking notebook you? Well this is one that I’m taking with me. That’s right, today is it for me you fucker. I’ve made up my mind, and I’m out of here. I have the address of the tallest building in town, and nobody will be there to stop me from getting to the roof, will there?
I’m sitting on the roof of my own building right now. The sun is coming up. Fucking beautiful. Odd that I’ve never noticed it before. Anyway, I’m sitting here enjoying a glass of the most expensive liquor I’ve ever drunk; who was there to stop me from taking it at the liquor store anyway. The sky is a wonderful mix of violet, light orange, and blue. Maybe it looks so good because it’s my last.
In a little while I’m gonna go downtown. Once there I’m going to take a long series of stairs to the roof—no elevators anymore—and then I’m gonna take the quick way down. I’ll see you all at the bottom.